Marriage: A Two-Headed Monster?

Some of you know that I am working on another blog studying through Proverbs 31. It's been an interesting experience for me, as I have never actually studied Proverbs 31 before. (I feel like I'm the only one.) Anyway, it has given me occasion to think a lot about the roles of women in marriage and the home, and in society in general, and I've been thinking about the way a lot of people look at those roles.


A lot of people have opinions on the idea of Biblical submission. It is hard for a lot of women, even Christian women, to swallow. In fact, even many men take issue with the idea of Ephesians 5:22-24, which says, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything."


The trouble is that this verse gets thrown around and misused. Many women feel that this verse is used against them as a weapon of oppression in marriage. Some men and women think it says that women are inferior and second-rate. I don't think it says any of that.


Here's how I think of it:


The Biblical understanding of marriage is that husband and wife are united in one flesh (Mark 10:7-8). To put it more clearly, man and woman become one body. Now, every body needs a head. It is easiest when each body has one head. I could go off here on a tangent about how difficult life must be for Siamese twins who have different life goals and different love interests and all of that, but I think you get the point. Two heads mean two brains; two brains mean two sets of opinions and desires; two sets of opinions and desires mean a body that wants to go in two different directions.


You can see how when both husband and wife try to be the head of their marriage, it make it a lot more likely that the body will split in half through divorce. Or if the body doesn't split, there is constant turmoil, the heads constantly butting against one another.


Of course, you could choose to be passive-aggressive and stop listening to him if you wish, but a body that doesn't receive messages from its head is a body that is paralyzed. Spiritual paralysis isn't something I look forward to - how about you?


In this instance - as in most every instance - the Word of God is very practical. It makes perfect sense to have one head for the body, and one direction in which to move. 


But this is where everyone gets up in arms: God's Word says the head should be the man.


Why everyone assumes that this means God thinks women are inferior to men is beyond me. He never says that. I think the man is the head because - number one - it eliminates a lot of arguing over who it should be. If it's right there in God's word, then it saves a lot of stress if we will just listen to Him. Number two - and I'm just speculating here, but go with me - it might be just a little easier for women to swallow their pride and follow. Now, I'm not saying it's a cake-walk for us, but men are engineered to be competitive; it is a natural side-effect of testosterone. Whether you think that your man has a "right" to fight you for the right to head the household or not, maybe just letting him win this one could make the difference in your marriage between a life of stress and a life of harmony.


Let's face it: your man is not going to give up the fight. You have three choices: attempt to be a second head and risk constant strife or splitting apart, go the passive-aggressive route and don't fight him for headship but don't follow his lead either, or accept it and move on. After all, Ephesians 5 also commands men to love their wives, so if you're both living Biblical lives, he won't be leading you anywhere that will hurt you. If you trust him, give him the reigns. You might be surprised how easy it becomes with a little practice.