Am I a Quitter?

So if you suffered through reading my last blog here, I guess I should throw you a bone and tell you what that was all about. 


Adam and I are praying about whether or not I should quit my part-time job and fully devote myself to wife- and motherhood. This is something I've always wanted, and something I always planned on. It is something I feel very strongly that God has called me to. It is something that I want desperately.


Unfortunately, in the world today, it is difficult to get by on one income. We have looked at our budget and found that we can do it if we cut out pretty much all luxuries, and even then we won't have much room to wiggle if something happens - unexpected medical bills, car or home repairs, etc. 


I'm having trouble, now, discerning whether or not this is truly God's will. I don't know why, really - over and over again for the past two-and-a-half years I have felt like I was in a job He didn't want me in and that things were going to keep happening to make that job tough for me to do until I eventually quit. At this point, I can barely accomplish anything at all. Every technological thing I need to do my job keeps breaking, and then the workarounds I find break too. It is almost ridiculous, like He has sent the universe to attack my work life to make a point.


But still I wonder...


I think the biggest reason I have trouble believing that this is something God wants for me is because it is something I want so much myself. I could easily convince myself that this is God's will simply because I want it to be His will, and filter out all the warning signs that say He doesn't want me to do this. And then where would I be? I basically have the best situation possible for a working mom right now, in that I am working part-time and mostly from home. I don't need to get childcare and my hours are flexible. If I were to quit and then it didn't work out, I am fairly certain I would not be able to work out a deal like this for myself ever again. Then I would be even farther away from my desire to be home with Anna.


Obviously, it is a trust issue. 


On my other blog, I am doing an in-depth, verse-by-verse study of Proverbs 31. I don't know why I decided to do it, I just did. I really felt like God was sending me to that chapter (and specifically, the verse I was going to post on today) this morning for my answer. But now I am even more confused than ever. All I was able to glean from this morning's verse (Prov 31:10) was that I need to be brave. But be brave in what? Be brave enough to quit my job or brave enough not to?


The rest of Proverbs 31 is even more confusing; just this morning I have read three different takes on what it says about women working outside the home. The first one said that women may work outside the home as long as it doesn't detract from the attention they give to their families. The second one said women should definitely work outside the home, because the Proverbs 31 woman obviously does. The third one said that women definitely should not work outside the home, because all of the Proverbs 31 woman's work was through the home, not outside of it. 


I don't know what to believe or what to do. I so badly want to take a leap of faith, because I think I will be much happier. But I don't want to be disobedient if this is not what He wants for me, and hurt my family by not bringing in finances we might need down the road. I feel like I need a miracle.